Life is like a box of... rocks

“I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it goes an equal distance into the world within.” – Lillian Smith

There was something I forgot to write about in my post about this weekend. I mentioned that the conference's topic was Finding Balance. To start the discussion, Kelly showed students a jar full of large rocks, and asked them if it was full. I think they were wary of being tricked, so they said it was not. However, in theory, the answer should have been yes. Then she poured gravel into the jar and asked if it was full. Again, the theoretical answer would be yes. Lastly, she poured sand into the jar, and the sand ran into all of the crevasses between the rocks and the gravel, and asked if it was full. The students were still saying no, but for the sake of the demonstration the answer should have been yes. The point is that if we put the big rocks in first, our life (jar) will feel full, even if we are missing smaller things that are somewhat important. But, if we fill our jar with sand, we will have no room for the bigger things.

After the demonstration, we were all supposed to write what three things were our big rocks, the most important things that make our lives feel full; what three things were gravel, and three examples of our sand. Reflection ensued. What makes my life feel full? What things are essential to my happiness and what things contribute a little but wouldn't be hard to survive without? I struggled. I struggled to rank my life fillers, but I also struggled to find as many as the exercise demanded. Why? Living in Vietnam, in some sense, I've already pared my life down to the bare essentials. Family and friends would normally be at the top of the list but here, despite their importance, I content myself with occasional correspondence and knowing that they exist and care about me. They make my life full through a much smaller level of interaction than I would want or need if we were in the same place. Something I probably wouldn't think of listing at home, trying new things, fell in the middle section of my list on Saturday. Trying new things is one of the ways that I validate my time here. It is how I make the most of these circumstances (being so far, being somewhere different, ...) in which I cannot take comfort in the favorite and familiar. At home I'd be likely to say that the way I dress contributes some amount of sand to my jar. Here, I have been cycling through the same handful of shirts for almost a year and indeed my life doesn't feel much emptier for it. But every now and then I miss the confidence that comes from wearing something other than a solid-color tshirt.

After Saturday's introspection and after today's writing, I reached an interesting conclusion. I think that here, my jar is full of gravel. The rocks are no less important -- I wouldn't have survived these last eight months without them -- but distance keeps them from filling my jar. So, I have my pebbles: trying new things, travel, tackling Vietnamese, photography, and writing. From this period of living with a pebble-filled jar, I've started to see how I might want to fill my life when I come home.