On the spectrum

"A racial community provides not only a sense of identity, that luxury of looking into another's face and seeing yourself reflected back, but a sense of security and support." - Wentworth Miller

As a person on the brown spectrum, my interaction with new people is often tinted with curiosity. Almost always, after trying to subtly gather intel, the person I am talking to inquires about my origins. In the US, this is amusing if I am in the right mood and tiring if I am in the wrong mood. In Asia, I might call it enlightening.

In the US, 'diversity' is usually parsed into a few different sets of peoples, and we are usually pretty good at (or think we are pretty good at) discerning which set most people fit into. We forget that diversity means something very different in other places, and when we're in those places we are not necessarily equipped to even perceive that diversity. In Italy, for example, diversity came from Africans, North Africans, and Eastern Europeans. Of those, Africans were the only ones I could confidently differentiate from Italians, while Italians themselves were adept at perceiving (and sometimes subsequently discriminating against) a person's membership in each one of those groups.

Here in Asia, my ambiguous physical appearance has given me insight into what constitutes diversity wherever I go. In Vietnam, which is largely homogeneous other than the many ethnic groups who get swept under the rug, I was usually some other kind of Asian outsider when I wasn't Vietnamese. Indian, Thai, Malaysian, and, when I came back especially brown after Cambodia, Cambodian. There, I was definitely possibly a Cambodian. In Laos, I don't remember any locals asking me, so I don't know. People in the countries I have visited see me and see almost themselves. Both being perpetually labeled with a question mark and being hesitantly labeled as something that I am not leave me feeling like I am neither here nor there. I am familiar, but not quite right. The truth is that I am not 'right'. I am not a local, and as convenient as it might be for people to mistake me for one of their own, I am no less an outsider than a tall, blonde, blue-eyed westerner.

The Malaysian population, though of course more diverse than this generalized representation, is split among native Malay peoples and those with Indian or Chinese heritage. From what I've learned, one's ethnic identity strongly affects one's status and privilege, and there can be a lot of contention between these groups. In this context, I was particularly curious to discover where I might fit in. My externally perceived identity is also important because while Malaysian Chinese dress as unconservatively as they want, most native Malays are Muslim, and dress very conservatively. If I were perceived as one of the latter but were not dressed accordingly, it could cause some uncomfortable situations. I consulted with Marta, and we both felt that that might be the most likely interpretation of my identity. However, I also asked Francis, Marta's driver, who is Malaysian Indian. He stated, fairly confidently, that I look like a Chinese-European mix, something that is apparently becoming more common here. It almost made me laugh, because that is one of the most common guesses I get in the US. I nonetheless intend to dress somewhat conservatively, but it is a relief to know that I am not as likely to be seen as an errant Muslim as I thought.