Down, then up

1.10.12
I wasn't going to write about this, but then today happened. A few days ago I had an uncomfortable realization: I wouldn't mind if this were over. That doesn't mean that I actively want to leave, just that if my time in Vietnam were up, I'd be ready. Maybe you could say that the honeymoon period is over. As exciting as it may sound to be living in a faraway country, I'm just living. I'm just living somewhere where I am incapable of communicating more than a few basic needs, somewhere where I often feel like a child, somewhere where I too often feel alone, and when you put it that way it doesn't sound exciting or enticing at all.

I know there are 500 reasons why being here is great. Every other day, those are the reasons that color my perspective. But today just wasn't one of those days. All of my insecurities and shortcomings that manifest themselves in how I tackle daily life came to the surface.

After writing the above, I nursed myself with spoonfuls of refried black beans the same way tv women nurse their emotions with a pint of ice cream. And then it was time to put on a smile and go to a fair in town. That turned out to be just what I needed. From what I had been told, I was expecting to meet administrators with varying levels of English fluency. Instead, I met a pair of students and a few of my close co-workers. Strolling through the fair, which looked more like a short-term market with freebies, with my students made me feel like I had friends. It gave me encouragement to rededicate myself to establishing social connections, rather than always trying to be self-sufficient.

At the fair/market

From the market we went out to dinner and Trang joined us. It was a celebratory meal to 'cover the old year'. I'm not really sure what that meant, and Trang said she wasn't really able to explain. Either way, the food was great. My stomach had been feeling a little upset and I was worried I wouldn't be able to partake in the meal with my usual gusto, but I think it turned out that I was just hungry. As soon as I started eating, I felt way better. The standout part of the meal was a tofu dish. (I NEVER thought I'd say that!) I very reluctantly accepted the first morsel and (after accidentally putting way too much hot sauce on that one) ended up heaping them into my bowl. It was crunchy and savory on the outside and soft and almost melt-in-your-mouth-y on the inside. It helped that it was topped with green onions and some sort of shredded meat. By the end of the night I was feeling much happier.

Magical tofu on the left

1.11.12
The morning started with Trang and pho and Vietnamese lessons. I asked how to ask questions, and I feel like I'm finally back in the Vietnamese-learning saddle. I am learning all kinds of useful things, and my tonal indiscretions lead me to learn slightly less useful, less appropriate, but more hilarious words. Hồi nào means when; hôi means smelly. Đi means to go; đĩ means whore. Thành công means successful; cống means sewer pipe. If I mess that last one up, instead of wishing someone a successful new year, I'll be wishing them a sewagey one.

We also discussed proper behavior for Tet, which starts next week. It seems that there are innumerable social blunders that one can commit at this time, and any such blunder will doom someone's fortunes for the rest of the coming year. This means that I am somewhat apprehensive and Trang, as my cultural encyclopedia, is subject to my frequent interrogations about whether x or y will result in poor health or bankruptcy for my hosts. Both of us are a little stressed. Here are some examples of Tet superstitions:

• If you are unsuccessful, unmarried, or have a 'bad name' you are unwelcome at people's houses during Tet, because you bring bad luck with you. This begs the question, why would you ever give your child a bad name? They'll be ostracized every year.
• Red and other warm colors are lucky. You should dress accordingly.
• It is normal to give fruit to someone who invites you to their house during Tet holiday. I asked if tangerines would be ok, thinking that their coloring might be suitable. Wrong. Tangerines are sour, so I'd be bringing my hosts a sour new year.
• Watermelons are very popular during Tet because they are red inside. However, they should be round, not ovoid, because circles are 'more perfect'. The household will have a ceremonious halving of the watermelon to see what it is like inside. If you chose a bad watermelon, guess what that means for your year.
• The first animal sound you hear after midnight is an indication of the year to come. If you hear a rooster or a chicken you will be scratching out a living and working hard. If you hear a pig you will have a comfortable, lazy year.

This afternoon I taught the Spotlight on the USA class. This is maybe the class I'm most excited about because I feel like I have the most freedom (and the most expertise). I feel like this is my opportunity to feel like a real teacher and not just an activities coordinator. The last time I taught this class, two weeks ago, I told the students that I expect them to read the chapter ahead of time, and that I'd be giving reading quizzes at the start of each class. I was a little hesitant to give a quiz today because I worried that they might have forgotten, but then I realized that I gave them fair warning and that my job is to teach, not coddle.

In my last post I wrote about cheating. Woooh, boy. Today I really got to see how bad it is. I thought that if I told them what to do and what not to do that would be enough, but it wasn't. I had to say 'no talking' so often and so many times it felt like a mantra. I even stood in their midst, instead of up at my desk, to enforce the point. That helped a little, but not enough. I went back to my desk and used the seating chart to keep track of every person I heard talking or saw looking at someone else's paper. It was a little discouraging, but it also helped me appreciate the students who weren't cheating. If the behavioral signs weren't enough, the rash of tests stating that Benjamin Franklin was the 3rd president of the US just help to make the problem even more apparent. I realized that next class I'll have to spend time discussing what I consider cheating and what the consequences are.

Other than that, class went pretty well. I played American music during the break, which my students seemed very happy about. I'll try to remember to do that every week.


P.S. This seems like a good time to mention that I'll be in Laos for a week, starting on Friday.